Envy & Jealousy. . . got me today!
She has a big beautiful office.
She stands on stage, stunningly beautiful, confidence in her voice and loads of experience under her belt.
People line up to seek her wisdom.
People line up to be trained by her.
And. . . I am totally jealous of the impact she is making on the world.
I wanted today to be a cross a goal off my list day.
I wanted today, to see God move in huge ways day.
I wanted today, to be a get it ALL done day.
In reality. . .
Today, was a put one foot in front of the other kind of day.
Today was a. . . focus on today’s tiny goals kind of day.
Today, was a wipe snotty noses, deal with pink eye, get laundry done, write whenever the kids were not looking. . . kind of day!
These are the days I struggle with the most. These are the days I struggle with envying others influence, carrier, education, drive, determination and so on. . .. the most.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
While reading today, Jonathan Edwards opened my eyes and called me out:
“Edwards lists four ways envy shapes our interactions:
(1) We undermine the worthiness of the person we envy;
(2) We claim that our envy arises from a love to justice;
(3) We undermine the honor of the person we envy by questioning the use of their prosperity and
(4) We question if the person we envy is spiritually mature enough for prosperity.”
These words made me cry. They exposed the motivations of my heart and how I am acting to make myself feel better. I have been envying and belittling someone else’s hard work to feel better about me!
Sin so easily creeps in and destroys what God wants to be beautiful.
God doesn’t want me to be that woman.
God doesn’t want that woman to be me.
God doesn’t want me to envy her life or her influence and
He doesn’t want her to envy my life and my influence.
“Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
I love writing. I love walking with others through pain and suffering. I love guiding others to love and enjoy their walk with God more deeply.
I don’t know what doors God will open in the future.
I don’t know if my influence will make the impact I dream for.
I don’t know if my dreams will ever become realities.
But I do know, today I am not going to end the day envying. Today, I am going to keep my eyes on Jesus and remember we are all in this race together. Today, I am going to cheer others on and celebrate other’s victories!
I would love to hear from you!
Are there people or things you struggle with envying?